I just had a realisation.
But before that, I had the breakdown.
A breakdown of my feeling positive, optimistic, light, free.
I was feeling negative, critical, miserable, cynical, burdened, closed.
The tendency when feeling like this is naturally to inwardly (or outwardly) complain about it!
Try and break free from it.
Here’s this unwanted feeling visiting me again…
and on my frikkin’ birthday as well…tschaa.
So after an hour or two of going through the motions of daily life somewhat stony-faced, listening to my own grumbles,
drawing my emotional state (art therapy)
and then reading some inspiring words-
I had the sudden realisation/remembering that it’s all my own energy!
There is no outer force impressing itself on me!
It’s not being done to me – this is all me!
Not only that, but it’s all good!
So called ‘negative emotions’ aren’t damaging, wrong or bad.
They’re energetic signatures, patterns coming up in my energy field.
From me and also for me!
I began my day thinking about birthday gifts, noticing how some resonate – they are things that I really appreciate – and there are some where I just appreciate the generosity of the giver.
But I didn’t know what to do with my genuinely non- appreciative thoughts!
I like what I like, regardless of other the giver’s intentions.. but I was left feeling mean and ungrateful. Bad me!!
I thought hard about this and asked for an answer as to what was the benefit to me of this challenge.
I asked for the greater gift if you will!
Here’s what I was given.
It’s easy to integrate the wanted into my energy, to accept all the nice things.
But in order to be wholly myself…(holy myself?) I must allow everything. Nice and not so nice.
Accept it, know it as equally valid, know it as my own!
Refusing to accept and integrate anything is to refuse the energy inherent in it. My energy.
Nothing is innately bad or good – because the bottom line of everything is – it’s all energy, which is essentially neutral.
The energy I spend on trying to keep aspects of myself (or the world) out of my experience is energy no longer available to me for the creative pursuit of my inspirations.
And the energy of that which I’m trying to keep out is also not available to me either!
Allowing the unwanted is a double boost bonus for me!
The best birthday gift today is this one – that I give to myself.
As for my my personal preferences – they don’t mean I’m bad, obviously – without them I wouldn’t be distinguishable as me!
So Happy Birthday, me!